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Chapter 8

From the Borders

Do you believe in cosmic guardians? I do. Or, I think I can be pretty sure of their existence, and presence, in my life. It's not like I really know them, my two most important cosmic guardians. At least I don't know them in an ordinary sense. They are like creatures of another dimension; not humans, not animals, not gods. They have their existence somewhere on the border between this world and another, unknown, universe. In that sense they're far away, but still we have a close connection. They're helping me follow a path in life that is inevitable, not by telling me what to do, more like they're pushing me in the right direction when I go too far astray. From time to time I ask their guidance. Or rather, I haven't consciously reached out to them before, I didn't know they existed. Still they've been there all the time, only now they've let me know about their presence, they showed themselves in a painting I made, as if they'd decided I was ready. Yeah, they are there, in space, somewhere, in a place unknown to me. Yet I think that if I somehow went there, to their world, I would recognize it as clearly as if I've been there a million times before.
          I know I can rely on them but only in the sense that I can be sure they know what's the right thing to do. Most often, though, it's totally up to me to figure out my own way. But then, every now and again, they come to me. I have no power over this, they are the ones who know when to do that and when I have to make my own decisions. To get in touch with their deeper guidance they somehow let me know I have to reach out to them, because in doing that – and when this is the case, only by doing that – a channel is opening, an interconnection between the spirit and the cosmic will, if you like, a channel through which I can sense their yawning wisdom. My soul twin is part of both of them, and me, through God.
          They know when I already have the answer to a question I would like their help in answering. Then they just wait, silently, until I understand. This is their way of helping me become more conscious about what I'm doing and why I'm doing the things I do. Sometimes that means I need to enter a darkness over and over again, until finally I can see that that darkness isn't a thing to fear. Because sometimes being in a dark place is an unavoidable in making things good.
          Their presence in my life is like… well, let's say I'm standing at a four divided crossroad. In that intersection, it's my choice if I shall take a left or right turn, but they will hinder me from going straight ahead or turning back if those paths are wrong for me, if those paths lay outside of my destiny. Yet, the overall feeling I have is that I have to find my own way through my own efforts, in order to live my life as it could be, will be, if I'm being true to my soul. I guess this means I fully believe in destiny, but also that destiny, and the cosmic will, has a variety of possible facets, that the individual makes a very real difference in her life as well as in others, through the choices (s)he makes.